Saturday, February 04, 2006

Unemployment drops to 4.7%, Texas George still out of job



A shift in paradigms has led employers to boost employment and reduce higher administrative salaries, lowering unemployment to a four year low. Surprisingly, Texas George, independent slam poet, is still unable to land a job. George seemed distraught and distant, claiming, "You got any change?" For more on this story, go to where'sgeorge.com.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Lawmakers Call Smoking a Pollutant, Pregnant Chick on Lost "Pollutes" Fat Man


Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Boy Stuck in Refrigerator, Eats Own Foot


Korea- After sustaining major blood loss from eating his foot, 8 year old boy, Bimpu, is carried back from the hospital by his wife. The boy had been trapped in his refrigerator for over three days, and claimed, "After the first day, I had eaten all the food. Come day two, I could feel that my body was beginning to shut down from starvation. I had no choice. Plus, it was pretty dark in there, so I simply envisioned my foot as a chunk of ham." Doctors claimed the wound appeared to be almost surgically incised, as if the boy had bitten off the entire foot at once. "There is no possibility that numerous nibbles could have done this. It is actually quite astonishing," claims Dr. Ha-neul, "The final analysis revealed that one large bite took off the entire foot."

For more info, and for pictures of Bimpu, click here.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Ben's Music of the Week


Mingus Ah Um/ Charles Mingus
Track 1 Better Git It In Your Soul

THE SLANKET!!!

This is the slanket, the best blanket ever for those of you who have shitty television clickers that don't work under your current blanket. By the way, the slanket is single and lives in Maine.

Monday, January 16, 2006

All your durians are belong to us!


If you were planning on eating your "King of Fruits" on the Singaporean MRT, you had better say goodbye to your family first. The punishment is unlisted, but it is implied. They do resemble grenades, though, or waterballoons. Not surprisingly, the punishment for waterballoons in Singapore is also death.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Michael Jordan, the next Calvin Rye

I don't know where they found this footage of me, I thought I had locked it all away.

if video does not play, click here

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Ok, what the hell were the "writers" of LOST thinking with the black smoke? The entire show is a bottomless pit of horribly timed commercials and coin flip plot twitsts. Here is some music to calm you (me) down.


St. Elmo's Fire

SPARK now has embedded Movies and Songs!

Test for our new embedded movie player. This is our model; lets call him Willy.

Coming Soon!

Why you should avoid pitchforkmedia.com like the aviary flu.

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